


Hatred and Healing

by SterekCuties4ever



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alive Vernon Boyd & Erica Reyes, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Cutting, Deal With It, Depression, Derek is a Bad Alpha, Drug Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Peter, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Scott isn't an alpha, Self-Harm, Sheriff Stilinski's Name is John, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-10-10 00:49:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10425555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SterekCuties4ever/pseuds/SterekCuties4ever
Summary: After being possessed, Stiles isn't coping well. It doesn't help that the pack is pushing him away and his father seems to be gone more and more. Peter steps in, but will he be in time?Trigger Warning! There is self-harm and a suicide attempt, please heed the tags





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my lovelies, just a drabble that popped into my head. Dealing with some things on my end and this is the result. I hope you enjoy! As always, comments are welcome, I love hearing from you guys!
> 
> <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

**Stiles POV**

Hatred. That’s what he felt, nothing but pure hatred for the face that starred back at him in the bathroom mirror. Disgust was another good word to describe himself, hell, anything negative was pretty much him to a tee. Stiles sighed as he put the blade back under the sink and walked back to his room. Maybe now he could sleep, maybe the nightmares would stay away for a few hours and he could get some sleep.

All he ever did anymore was have nightmares and they were getting to the point, that he didn’t think he could handle them much longer. Everything in his life was falling apart, his dad and him barely spoke anymore, the pack kept their distance, hell even he hated himself, so it’s not like he could blame them for hating him too. Ever since he was possessed, nothing had been the same. Sure, the pack forgave him, at least they said they did, it’s not like he could tell if they were lying or not.

Scott said he forgave him, and for the first week or so he believed him, but then he stopped coming around. Soon the texts came fewer and fewer and as of tonight, they had their first pack meeting without him. Usually Derek sent out a mass text telling everyone what time and where they were meeting, but tonight Stiles didn’t get anything. It was half past their normal time and Stiles texted Scott to see if everything was alright and if they were still having a pack meeting tonight. He’d received a text back, only one sentence, _yeah, but you don’t need to come._

That had been the last straw, he’d broken down. He had been so good at holding everything in, but now it was happening, they were all pushing him away and he couldn’t handle it anymore. So, he’d done what he hadn’t in almost two years. He got a razor and took it to his skin.

He decided then and there that he wouldn’t bother them anymore. If they tried, sure he would talk to them, but other than that, he was done. He wasn’t going to let them have pity for him, he didn’t need, nor, did he want it.

His weekend past with no texts, calls or visits from anyone. When he got to school on Monday, no one was standing in their usual spots and when lunch time rolled around, the table he sat at was full and no one looked like they were going to make any room for him, so he sat alone. No one even looked in his direction.

The rest of his week past the same and when Friday rolled around, he didn’t receive a text for the weekly pack meeting again. At this point, he was more angry, than he was hurt. He jumped in his jeep and made his way to the loft.

When he pulled in, he sat in his jeep for a few minutes, thinking about whether he should go in or not. He needed to know though, he needed to know if they hated him, if they wanted him around anymore, and if they didn’t he wouldn’t bother them.

With a sigh, he pulled himself from his jeep and climbed the loft stairs. When he reached the door, he thought about knocking, but then walked in. When the door slid open, everyone was staring at him, like they couldn’t believe he had the nerve to show up.

He cracked a smile, “Hey guys, sorry I’m late. I hope I didn’t miss too much.” Scott looked to Derek, and he let out an annoyed sigh. “Stiles, why are you here?” the Alpha asked. Stiles swallowed, “It’s Friday, pack night, am I not supposed to be here?” he asked, trying to keep under control. Derek took a few steps closer, “Look, I thought if we all ignored you long enough, you’d get the hint. I don’t want you in my pack anymore, you’re not good for us. I know what happened, it wasn’t your fault, but-“.

Stiles put his hand up, cutting him off. “I already sort of knew, I just had to be sure. I’m sorry. I’m sorry to all of you.” He whispered out before turning and fleeing the loft.

He honestly wasn’t sure how he made it home in one piece, by the time he pulled into the driveway, his vision was nearly gone there were so many tears. His dad’s car was in the drive and he decided he’d go inside and talk to his dad. Maybe his dad could make him feel better, and they could hang out for a little while.

When he walked in, his dad was sitting at the kitchen table, folders spread out. “Hey dad, how was your day?” he asked, sitting down across from him. John didn’t even look up, “Fine.”, he answered, continuing to flip through his papers. Stiles took a deep breath, “Hey, could I talk to you about something?” he asked, feeling nervous.

John sighed, looking up at his son. “Stiles, I don’t have time right now, can’t you see I’m busy?” he asked, before looking back down to his work. Stiles’ bottom lip trembled, “Yeah, sorry dad.” He mumbled before he left the table and headed upstairs.

When he was safely in his room, he collapsed to his bed, sobs racking his body. He couldn’t believe this, his pack turned on him and now his father wouldn’t even give him five minutes. He knew they were all mad at him still, but he didn’t think they’d all abandon him like this. He felt betrayed, but in a way, he felt like he deserved everything that was happening to him. He killed people, he killed Allison for Christ’s sake and now all he was, was a constant reminder of what happened.

He couldn’t do this anymore, no, he couldn’t. If they didn’t want him anymore, he would grant them that wish. He pulled out his phone and started writing a group text to everyone.

 

**Peter POV  
**

To say Peter was pissed, was a huge understatement, he was fuming. His nephew was being a moron and dragging everyone else down with him. “Did you seriously just kick him from the pack, he was possessed for fuck sake, he literally had no control over anything he was doing!” he yelled out, getting closer to Derek. Derek rolled his eyes, “Look, I don’t expect you of all people to understand this. I keep you around because my mother would roll around in her grave if I didn’t. You aren’t good for this pack, and now, neither is Stiles. I don’t need him in my pack, compromising everything that I’ve managed to build up here.”

“He’s a seventeen-year-old boy, and you just took everything he had left away from him. Hell, you even took his best friend from him!.” He yelled, pointing towards Scott. Derek shook his head, “I didn’t do anything, Scott doesn’t want to be his friend anymore. His so called best friend is the reason his girlfriend is dead.”

Peter got inches from Derek’s face, “You think I don’t know what you did? I heard you last week, ordering them to have no contact with him, to cast him out. They all love Stiles, and you’re torturing them by keeping them away.” he all but growled. Derek smiled, “That’s right, I did and they’re showing their obedience to this pack, to me by following my orders.”

Peter shook his head, “After everything you’ve been through, all you’ve lost, I thought you’d have a better heart then this. You could smell the depression on him, he’s so close to breaking, and when he does, it’ll be all your fault. It’ll be another life on your hands!” he roars out.

As if on cue, all their phones chimed in an incoming text. Peter’s face paled as he read.

_Hey guys. I’m sending you this message because I can’t do this anymore. I can’t walk around every day pretending that I’m fine and that everything is okay, because let’s face it, it’s not. What I did, it destroyed me and everyone else in this town and I can’t bear to live with the guilt anymore of what I’ve taken from so many good people. I’m a bad person and I know that now. I love you all so much, you’re my family and I would do anything for all of you, and if doing this is going to help you, then I’ll do it. You all deserve to be happy and move on with your life, to make something of yourselves without having me in the way, giving you a constant reminder of what happened and what you lost. Scott, I love you man, you’re my best friend, my brother and what I took from you, I know you could never forgive me for, I’ll never be able to forgive myself for it either. Dad, I know you tried to forgive what I did, but you’re the Sheriff of this town and I destroyed it and I’m sorry for that. I know that I’m the only family left for you, but I think you’ll be better off without me. Just know that this isn’t your fault, it’s only mine. I was too weak and I’m sorry. I let that monster inside me and I couldn’t fight it off and now everyone is paying for my mistakes. Peter, God Peter. You’re the only one that ever understood me and I love you. I know you already know that and I don’t know if you have feelings for me too, but you’re better off. I love you all….Goodbye._

Scott stood and walked towards the door, but before he got to it, Derek was growling, halting him in place. “I told you to stay away from him, if you walk out that door, you can forget about coming back.” He said, voice low. Scott turned, “I don’t care, I don’t want to be in your pack if it means losing Stiles. I thought this was a phase, and that you would get over it and he would be able to come back. I see now that it’s not and I am not going to let him take his life!” he yelled out, before turning and fleeing the loft.

Everyone looked to Derek in disgust before they too stood and hurried out. Peter walked to the door last, turning to look at his nephew. “You didn’t need him to destroy everything you build up, you did it just fine yourself.”

Stiles hand shook as he laid his phone on his night stand. He looked around his room, tears slipping down his face. He was so weak before, but not now, no, he needed to be strong enough to end his life. For them. He hadn’t sent the text to his father, he knew someone would give him the message later. He didn’t want to take the chance of him being stopped.

He stood and walked from his bedroom, across the hall and into the bathroom where he closed and locked the door. He dug around under the sink until his hand landed on his blade and started a bath for himself. He didn’t even bother taking his clothes off as he submerged himself into the warm water.

He took a calming breath and took the cap off his bottle of Adderall he brought with him, dumped them in his hand and tossed them back. When that was done, he laid his head back against the tiled wall and relaxed. He had thought about taking his life many times before and he always thought he’d be more nervous than this. It was almost scary at how calm he was.

After a few minutes, he brought the blade to his skin, pushing harder than usual, hissing out at the sting it made.  He watched as the blood flowed and ran into the water, tinting it a light red. His hand shook as he did the same to his other wrist before dropping the blade.

No one bothered with cars, except for the humans. As they raced for the house, Lydia dialed 911, telling them about the text they’d received and they informed her they were sending units out. The next person she tried calling was the Sheriff, but his phone went right to voicemail.

Peter and Scott were the first ones there, not even bothering to knock as they barreled in the front door, startling the Sheriff. “What in the hell are you doing?” he barked out, stumbling from his chair in the kitchen. They didn’t answer, they could smell the blood in the air and they raced upstairs, the Sheriff not fair behind them.

Peter banged on the bathroom door, “Stiles open the door, please!” he yelled, listening and not hearing a sound. He didn’t hesitate as he kicked the door in. He wasn’t prepared for what was waiting for him. He sank to his knees as he reached in and pulled Stiles from the bloody water. “I need towels!” he yelled out, as the Sheriff finally caught up to them and sank to his own knees, reaching for his son. “Oh God, no, please no. Stiles what were you thinking?” he sobbed out as Scott shoved towels into Peter’s hands.

Peter wrapped them both around each of his wrist. “It’ll be alright, we’re here now. Stiles you need to hold on.” He cried, tears spilling down his face. They could hear the sirens in the distance as the rest of the pack arrived, huddling around in the hallway, tears streaming down all their faces.

 

~`*~`*~`*``*

 

Stiles opened his eyes to a brightly light room, and an annoying beeping and groaned. Of course, he didn’t succeed, he couldn’t do anything right. He looked around the room, his eyes landing on his father’s sleeping figure and guilt rushed through him. Tears started to pull around his eyes as he carefully reached out to take his father’s hand. John slowly came too and when he saw his son was awake, tears spilled down his face as he rushed to hold him.

“Don’t you ever do that to me again, ever.” He whispered into his son’s hair. “I won’t dad, I’m so sorry. I am, I didn’t want to hurt you anymore. I just couldn’t handle it anymore.” He sobbed into his father’s chest. They stayed like that for a few minutes, and when they finally pulled away, Stiles couldn’t look his father in the eyes.

“Stiles, look at me, please.” His father begged, and he slowly looked up to meet his father’s gaze. “I know that I haven’t been here for you lately, and that’s my fault, not yours. I don’t blame you for anything that happened while you were possessed by that monster, no one does. We love you, more than anything in this world and I don’t care how many times, or how long I have to tell you that, but I’ll do it as long as I have too.” More tears came and they hugged for what seemed like hours.

After the doctor saw him and he ate something, his father accused himself and let Peter into the room. Stiles blushed when he saw him, remembering what he’d said in the text message and Peter grinned. “Off all the things going on right now, I think that’s the least of your worries, little one.” Stiles rolled his eyes, “Stop smelling me, you creeper.” He mumbled as Peter sat down next to his bed.

Peter took his one of his hands, “I need you to know that none of us wanted you out of the pack, Stiles.” he told him, voice full of emotions. Stiles looked at him, confused look on his face. “But Derek said, he told me in front of all of you that he didn’t want me there.”

Peter nodded, “He didn’t want you there, Stiles. I overheard him telling the pack the week before to stay away from you. That you were bad for this pack and he was ordering them to keep away for their protection.” Stiles looked at him, anger in his eyes, “He made them stay away from me, he did all of this. I’ve done nothing but stand by his side, why would he hurt me like this?” he asked, and Peter shook his head.

“I honestly don’t know Stiles. I’ve been racking my brain and I don’t know. He may be a shithead of an Alpha, but he’s not an idiot. He should have known that you all would heal from this, together, and for him to push you away like that makes no sense to me. I can tell you that everyone left his pack, myself included.”

Stiles looks at him worried, “We can’t have a pack without an Alpha, what are we going to do?” he asks and Peter sighs. “I don’t know yet. As much as I hate him at the moment, he’s still my family and I don’t want to kill him. Deaton says he could give the Alpha power to me willingly, but I don’t know if he’d do that. We’ll worry about that later though, what we need to worry about right now is you.”

“I’ll be fine, you know me, tough as nails.” Stiles joked and Peter rolled his eyes. “Yes, you are most of the time. Right now, though, you’re not Stiles and no that doesn’t mean you’re weak, because we both know damn well that you’re not. But, you’re sick and you need some help.” He tells the boy, squeezing his hand.

Stiles nods his head, “I know that I am and that I do need help and I’m ready to get it. I just want to be happy again Peter, I want things to go back to the way they were before this shit storm happened.” He says, voice cracking.

Peter moves to sit on the edge of his bed, “You will be happy again, I promise you that. Things won’t go back to the way they were, not completely, but you and everyone else will heal from this and I’ll be right next to you, every step of the way.” Peter tells him as he leans forward and presses a kiss to his forehead.

**FIN**

**Author's Note:**

> Please, if you are suffering and you need someone to talk to, reach out to someone. My inbox is always open!


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